Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
