there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
