Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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