He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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