it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
