Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
