The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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