have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize