Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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