i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
