just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
