Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
