if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
