Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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