Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
