so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
