I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
