My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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