I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night