Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.