Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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