True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!