I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
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Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life