You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?