So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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