oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?