Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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