how can u be prego again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
