How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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