The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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