he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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