exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
