So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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