At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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