last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
