I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
there is glitter all over my balls
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