I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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