Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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