Can i not drive my cunt home
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
