Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
