Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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