I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
