Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
