I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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