My hand turned me down
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
