I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM VODKA MAN
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize