you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
