i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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