For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
