i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
as a side note pls kill me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
