you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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