Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
