U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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