why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
