I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
