I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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