where am i from again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
