dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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