i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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