Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
