need another drink. this is the easiest way
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
