I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What a dumb baby whore.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
